Help thou mine unbelief

My husband and I were barren for four years. It was during this time that we became convicted about allowing God to control the size of our family. In His wisdom and timing we became pregnant this year and I gave birth to our first borne less than two months ago.

Recently I started feeling different. I was having a few symptoms of pregnancy. I took a test and it appeared very very faintly positive. I was surprised at my mixed emotions. Abigail’s pregnancy had been very hard on my body, in the end I developed preeclampsia, a dangerous disease of pregnancy that can cause stroke and seizure from high blood pressure. Therefore the thought of perhaps being pregnant again so soon scared me.

We were still emotionally recovering from Abigail’s pregnancy as well. It had been a rough ride, but the Lord had carried us through and worked all things to His glory. We now have a great testimony from all the hardships and have grown closer to the Lord our God by his loving hand and out of necessity.

I timidly told Brandon my suspicions. His first reaction was shock. He questioned me saying he thought I couldn’t get pregnant this early while nursing. He also was afraid that my body did not have time to heal. Brandon was sick with the thought of “putting me through” such an ordeal again as I have not replenished from Abigail’s pregnancy and would be more likely to have preeclampsia again.

As Brandon and I discussed it, we realized we were testing our faith. Did we really believe that the one who had made my body and carried me through this last pregnancy knows what my body could handle? Did we really believe that we could trust the Lord’s decisions over ours? That God’s plans are better than ours? Evidently it was easier to trust God to dictate our family size when we had none.

We do trust the Lord God. We trust Him with our lives, our salvation, our family size and our health. Honestly, we would love to be pregnant again, to have many many more children, if the Lord wills. Furthermore, we will love to have them in the Lord’s time.

We decided to wait two more days and test again. It was negative. The earlier false positive was most likely from my last pregnancy. A few days later, my cycle started, explaining why I had felt so different. While I had hoped to put off the side effects of my cycle for say 6 months or so, I do welcome the return to fertility. I pray that I may be fruitful again and that whenever tested we may be found faithful.

Mark 9
[24] And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

One Response to “Help thou mine unbelief”

  1. Chelly says:

    Hi Beloved in Christ,

    I was looking out for promising verses concerning pregnancy when I found your blog. I am glad I found it. I got married 5 months back and haven’t got the good news yet. I know that its not very late but my cousin who got married 3 months back is already pregnant. And all my relatives have begun looking down at me.

    I have prayed to God my healer and I sincerely believe that he will grant my wish soon. Please pray for me too. Please pray that God will take off my unbelief and lift up my head in front of those who scorn at me.

    Cheers,
    Chelly.

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