Videos and Talks

Often on the web one thing leads to another and takes us in very unexpected directions. Checking my email and reading my weekly parenting update led to clicking on a link for more information about I don’t even remember what. Once there I saw a link from a mother stating she had three children and was wondering if she should have a fourth. I was encouraged reading through the responses, very few “world over-population” scares, mostly encouragement and affirmation of the worth of children. One comment suggested adoption, which was not unusual given the topic, but they also included a link to a video montage of an Ethiopian adoption.

I found myself watching video after video of so many families bringing their children home: babies, older children, sibling groups, so many beautiful children. My bowels were moved with compassion for the “least of these.”

My 22-month-old daughter came to my lap to watch videos of the babies. She got excited, pointing and saying baby, momma, dada. She knew these were families. She was so excited she wanted to share the videos with Daddy. When Daddy came home, she ran over to him and asked him to come watch it again with her. She quickly lost interest, I suppose 4 viewings were enough for her, but Brandon kept watching. He then clicked on the other tabs I had open, studying each page carefully.

I watched intently to see his reaction. He turned to me and said, “I don’t want you reading about adoption anymore.”

Brandon continued that we could probably afford 20 of those children, but that time, stress, and money were all involved. Besides, he said, I just don’t feel called to do that right now.

I didn’t say much then. We had dinner, left over flautas, and we put the kids to bed. Sarah was teething so it took quite a while to get her asleep. He looked at me and said, you aren’t satisfied about earlier are you?

I told him that I just wanted to discuss it. I reminded him that time was not ours, but that we were to live for God. He told me I was guilting him, and I asked how? He didn’t have an answer and asked me to continue. I said that stress, well, while I had been very stressed lately, it really wasn’t right. One of our guiding passages in the bible is from the Sermon on the Mount where we are told not to worry, that sufficient to the day is the evil thereof. As far as money, God owns the whole world and if He wants us to adopt, then He will fund it.

I reminded him that this was not something new I sprung on him. We’ve been discussing adoption for the last 5.5 to 6 years. I told him that I looked around yesterday and couldn’t figure out what our barriers were. We didn’t have any debt anymore, save for the AC unit we had just bought the week before. We had a huge house, he had a steady job, we had great health benefits, and we have more toys than we know what to do with.

He said that he wasn’t the father he wanted to be when he adopts. I reminded him that God gives us what we need when we need it. It was only by having Abigail and then Sarah that God was able to make us parents and teach us the love and sacrifice we need to raise them.

As far as the calling, I reminded him that God calls all believers to visit the widows and the fatherless in their affliction. I reminded him how precious the fatherless are to Him. He said, but not everyone is called to adopt. I replied that he was right, not everyone is.

I asked him if he still wanted to adopt as he had said. He looked in my eyes and said, Elizabeth, I know you, it won’t be just one. I cocked my head to the side. Once we bring one home, he continued, you’ll want more. We’ll wind up with 30 kids. I didn’t say anything, but my eyes told him I didn’t see any problem with that. Brandon smiled and said he wished he could have my compassion.

He then said that now that we’ve had Abigail and Sarah, we wouldn’t have to adopt a baby. I said, yep, we could skip right through teething and potty training. It takes a very special type of people to adopt, my husband said. It does, I replied. It takes an even more special type of people to adopt a special needs child, he continued. Yes, I said, but they are greatly blessed by it.

Brandon smiled and kissed me and we slept.

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