Lost and Discovered

I just learned I had a miscarraige on Monday.

We weren’t sure, so I had my midwife do a blood pregnancy test to look for any traces of hormone that might still be in my system. If the results came back negative, we wouldn’t ever know for sure. They came back positive.

I was exceptionally early, our baby was exceedingly young.

I don’t really know how to feel. I want to praise God for this wonderful life that he had given us. It’s hard because I never knew I was pregnant when our child was alive. I want to grieve, but it’s so very different than with our first baby. I never knew this child, I never bonded with it while it was here. In God’s infinite grace and wisdom, I was able to unknowingly pray for this baby.

I know that part of me is holding out hope for a twin that survives, I don’t know exactly why. I suppose because a total loss is more devistating. We love to hear stories of survivers from disaters. That even when there is a large loss of life, we rejoie for the one or two that are found.

It is that way in heaven as well. Despite the fact that the large majority of people reject God and are destined for destruction, all heaven rejoices when one lost sheep returns, when just one person becomes child of God, saved from the wrath to come.

I will miss my baby. It’s hard to think of Sarah as a big sister. I love all my babies so much. Blessed be the name of the LORD!

And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

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