Thank you God for the hardships

I’ve missed my blog. I’ve missed writing.

I am such a torrent of emotions. I don’t know where to start. I know my journal is not private. Do I guard my words or do I release my heart? Would it help or hurt others and me?

I have felt my adrenaline on a hair trigger lately. I feel overwhelmed. I add up all the major life events since late May and it overpowers me. I add in a few strained relationships, hard decisions, and shame at my lack of emotional control and I feel so very drained.

I need to let go. I need to call to the One who is here for me, waiting to take my burdens from me. I need to just let them go.

My Lord is so very gracious. He is so very gentle with me. Why do I always try to do it myself? Why do I have to learn the same lesson again and again? I am not self-sufficient. I can’t even breathe without God’s consent, why do I try and live without him?

Yet, there are times I want to completely surrender everything, just to avoid the work. I want to turn in this whole free-will thing. Just take the reins, turn me where you want to go, and don’t even allow me the opportunity to buck.

But God isn’t like that. He is a loving Father. His children are to watch his eyes for direction. He looks to the left or the right and they are to run there. He glances at a task and they are to pick it up. This is the way he guides those that belong to him. I must turn to face him if I am to know the way to go. When I become so overwhelmed with life that all I can see are my struggles, I can’t see my Dad showing me the exit.

To often I wait until my head is completely underwater before I look to my Father to show me the lifeboat. I struggle and sputter trying to make it on my own before I remember that I simply can’t.

I need to thank God for these times. If all my life was easy and one lovely happy time after another, then would I be tempted to ignore my Father. Thank you God for the hardships, as they lead me back to you.

Psalms 32:8-9
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.
Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.

Proverbs 30:7-9
Two things have I required of thee; deny me them not before I die:
Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:
Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.

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